Playing Around Rotorua

We spent the past week in Rotorua, a North Island city famous for adventure sports and stinky geothermal sites. Perhaps no other city in New Zealand, or anywhere, has come up with more ways to thrill tourists (and make them part with money) with “adventure” broadly defined. You can luge, river raft, sky swing, sky jump, bungee jump, jet boat, kayak, off-road race and mountain bike. Plus, there’s the ZORB, a giant rubber ball that bounces down a hill with a person sliding and rattling around inside it. We went on the luge and let the kids try the ZORB (just once, because of its exZORBitant prices):

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The Rotorua Tourism Board will probably be upset to hear me say these activities generally seem overrated and overpriced. Our best times around Rotorua involved spending free time for free. We rented a low-cost cabin outside of town at one of the best “holiday parks” we’ve come across yet (a glorified RV park and campground), on the edge of Blue Lake by a vast forest preserve, and passed the time reading, homeschooling, running, researching, cooking and playing with the kids. Morgan and I took turns doing long solo runs through the Whakarewarewa forest, aka The Redwoods, which seemed like a fairy-tale hybrid of Hawaii and California because it had the ferns, dampness and fragrance of an island rain forest amidst groves of century-old redwoods.

Then we experienced Kiwi hospitality firsthand when a mutual friend of some Northern California runners, Paul Charteris, invited us to his hometown of Kawerau near Rotorua and took us on a hike to Tarawera falls.

Tarawera Falls near Rotorua, where we hiked and picnicked.

Tarawera Falls near Rotorua, where we hiked and picnicked.

The double-barreled waterfall shoots out of the middle of the volcanic mountain, from a fissure created by lava, rather than cascading over a cliff. The kids didn’t mind hiking uphill for an hour because the reward was so great: first the falls, then a sky-blue swimming hole with rope swings.

Colly and Kyle couldn't get enough of this rope swing.

Colly and Kyle couldn't get enough of this rope swing at the Tarawera swimming hole.

Paul then hooked us up with his friends, Mike and Sarah van der Boom and their two school-age girls, in the beautiful Bay of Plenty beach town of Whakatane. Their family hosted us for a couple of nights, gave us a barbecue and took us trail running. Believe what you hear: New Zealanders really are that nice!

At our hosts' house, the kids just played and played.

At our hosts' house, the kids just played and played.

Morgan and me on a run above Whakatane in the Bay of Plenty with Sarah van der Boom, who took this picture.

Morgan and me on a run above Whakatane in the Bay of Plenty with Sarah van der Boom, who took this picture.

All of this — not just our time in New Zealand, but the ways in which our lives have changed through travel –  has made me think more about the subject of play and the choices we make about how to spend time and money, particularly as a parent. Forgive me as I digress and risk sounding simplistic or superficial as I try to condense a big topic into a blog post.

We’ve been away from home for four months now, and I’ve noticed that Colly and Kyle are playing more than they have since preschool, which has been a profound and unforeseen benefit of this long-term travel. By “play” I mean filling their time imaginatively and physically, making use of whatever is around them. After we’re done schooling or sightseeing, they still have hours of unscheduled free time to fill up, and TV or the Internet are limited because of our circumstances (few TV channels, shared computers and limited WiFi). So they wander outside, often to a play structure or trampoline, but they don’t just swing or bounce. They make up a game or start playing characters. They get in arguments, work it out or forget about it, and then start something new on their own, or they might meet other kids from other countries and start talking to them. And they constantly are together, so much so that they joked they’re developing twin telepathy.

The kids keep exploring and trying new things together.

The kids keep exploring and trying new things together.

I really didn’t appreciate how much our family life has changed until the other day when I opened my calendar from seven months ago and literally shuddered when I saw the lines and lines of daily scheduled activities and obligations, much of which involved the kids. Well-intentioned parents (like me) sign children up for sports and recreational programs because we don’t want them to “miss out.” We want them to have fun and develop their hobbies (and to be honest, we want them to stand out as stars on the stage or on the field), and we want someone to watch them and keep them safe while we go about our lives during the day. We also are susceptible to the marketing of many extracurricular “enrichment programs,” believing our kids need the help of tutors and other professionals so they can reach their potential. Ironically, all this scheduling and transporting kids to programs often makes families more stressed, more financially stretched and less available to spend time together.

Kids become so accustomed to being told what to do, and when and how to do it, that they complain about being bored if they suddenly find themselves with free time. Parents admit to looking forward to summer or winter holidays ending so they can get their kids back on a schedule and in those programs.

That was how our family was before this year away — and it may be us again when we get back. I hope not, because we were not a terribly happy bunch back then, but those real-world dynamics of our community and demographic are incredibly hard to resist. Of course we’ll plug back in to it all on some level, but I’m already trying to envision a middle ground that will preserve the kind of play and togetherness we’re rediscovering.

Before this trip, I was familiar with  studies touting the importance of play and warning about the downside of kids’ over-scheduled, over-hurried lifestyles — but it took a genuine change of circumstances and simplifying of our lives (what travel blogger Christine Gilbert has called a lifestyle redesign) to make me fully appreciate the importance of free time and family time.

This is us on a hike to one of the biggest, oldest trees on the North Island.

This is us on an impromptu roadside hike.

I watch Colly in particular as she revels in being a kid. Yesterday she spent most of the afternoon with Kyle doing nothing more important than digging in beach sand to build castles, and when we went inside she became absorbed in a book. Her sixth-grade friends back home, meanwhile, are managing a mountain of homework and other responsibilities while preoccupied about their appearance, friendships and who’s dating whom.

What a gift, I realize with gratitude, that this year away has extended her childhood by a year, and given us more time to enjoy her — and really get to know her — as a goofy girl who’s content to play with her little brother. It may be we’re just delaying the inevitable and that she’ll turn into a teen overnight as soon as she’s sucked into the vortex of seventh grade. I hope, however, she’ll be better equipped to navigate the pressure of adolescence fortified by this year — a year of living more simply and becoming more self-reliant while seeing how people in other parts of the world make do with less; a year of  just being herself and being incredibly close to her family.

The same could be said for all four of us: I sincerely hope we will re-enter life back home permanently changed and fortified by this year.

Sometimes you just gotta let go and go for it!

Sometimes you just gotta let go and go for it.

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11 Comments

  1. Keith, December 18, 2009:

    Great realizations here. It makes a trip truly special when you can see and comprehend the transformations happening right in front of you.

  2. Sarah, December 18, 2009:

    This post highlights the best gift you’re giving yourselves this holiday…truly special and meaningful insights into deep significance of this year. What a gift to each of you, I know you are relishing each experience! I love reading your updates! Merry Christmas from Vermont! xoxo

  3. Martha Howard, December 19, 2009:

    Oh Sarah – this is the best new year’s blog! What wonderful realizations you’ve come to. Your description of the kids made me reflect on our childhood and how much we played (remember those long summers at the cabin with no entertainment…except that which we made for ourselves!). You sound like you all have been rejuvenated and re-prioritized in such a positive way. I envy what comes across in your post as a real joie de vivre. The smiles on your faces are gleaming.

    I love you guys so much and I miss you -

    Martha

    PS – what a whacky, wonderful thing it was to chat with Kyle yesterday! I couldn’t believe it when that popped up on my computer screen. Adorable!

  4. Cheryl, December 19, 2009:

    This one actually made me get teary eyed! I’m excited that you guys are enjoying such a transformative experience. I don’t think you can ever forget life lessons like this. As for the kids, this trip is forming the foundation of who they will be in life. It’s an amazing experience that will never leave them. Love
    Cheryl

  5. Mike Hedge, December 20, 2009:

    lovely post! already thinking about returning?

    have a blast! NZ rocks!

  6. George, December 20, 2009:

    Oddly, what you are describing as Colly and Kyle’s current experiences are more or less how most of us navigated our childhood when I was their age. That was the 1950′s (God! That long ago?). Obviously not in exotic foreign locals, but making do with what was around, or reading in the alternative. No TV or Internet, no organized after school activities, no scheduler, no cell phones.

    Ann and I often wonder how the super stressed Moms and Dads around the Pacific Palisades can try to keep everything balanced, alegedly for the benefit of their kids. I guess the answer is “not so well.”

    It is marveous that you have given yourselves the gift of stepping back and hitting the “resart” button. Damn it! There I go again with a current, trite saying.

    Anyway, delighted things are working out so well for Colly and Kyle. It is a gift to them forever.

  7. Mimi, December 20, 2009:

    What a wonderful description of just having fun. It doesn’t come wrapped in a package does it? Kyle you looked freezing in that lake with the float, Colly you are growing,growing and growing. NZ really looks like lots of fun with very friendly people. We are so happy for you all.

  8. lawrence mckendell, December 27, 2009:

    Sarah and Morgan,
    I have enjoyed reading about your adventures and life revelations in story and in picture/video.
    Thanks for the opportunity to allow us to peer in and be voyers on your very cool trip. Continued safety and happy new year to your family.
    warmly,
    lawrence

  9. Dayna Palmer, May 15, 2010:

    Hello Sarah,

    My name is Dayna Palmer and my family and I live in Roanoke, VA. We have decided that we are going to set out on our own world tour within the next year or two. It has been so great reading your posts!! This one has struck a cord with me because I wish for all of these same things for my children and really our family.

    The task of getting started to bring our adventure to reality is a bit daunting but I am determined to enjoy every minute of it because I have no idea where our lives are going to go from this point on.

    Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly…I look forward to reading more about your journey and the changes that it brings to your lives. Safe travels…

    Dayna

  10. Ninna, June 24, 2010:

    What an incredible experience. I’m amazed that you were able to do this with two kids, as an entire family experience. Bravo!

    Have you seen Julia Dimon’s blog post on Rotorua? It’s great, and talks about some of the same things, like zorbing, that you did!

    Check it out: http://bit.ly/auOsDb

  11. Teresa, April 26, 2011:

    Hi Sarah, I absolutely love your sharing on this beautiful trip of yours! I can feel the great love you have for Colly and Kyle. Thanks for those lovely pics taken of the RV. My family and I have also rented one for this coming Aug. After reading your post, we’re most excitedly looking forward to it! Thanks, Sarah. Keep writing! I’ll look out for more.

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